My Freedom. (In Practice.)

So what is the result of realizing God is real and alive and true and powerful and that his plan is better? What does it look like to stop worrying about life and pursue true freedom by only "worrying" about the things of God?


I think this realization can have influence over every area of life, but there are a few of mine that have been gently changed even since the beginning of this year.

The first is worship - my worship before God, on Sunday mornings, nights, in my room, whenever. I'm ashamed to say this area of my life is mostly defined by those around me rather than by God. But what does God want? I believe he wants my heart's reaction to his love, whatever that may look like. I've been taking some pretty cool steps in growing and expanding the scope of my adoration of God, and each of those steps involves a little sacrifice, a little risk, and a little boldness.

Another area is in my relationship with my parents. I'm working on letting them (each in their respective ways) see more of the young woman I am becoming - more specifically, the development and growth of my faith and how that's influencing how I think. That's scary. These are two of the people I love the most, and want most to approve of me. Now for the first time I'm discovering what I think about life and faith, and the reality is that it will probably look different from what they think. But ultimately, it's not about what they think, it's about what God thinks. I believe he wants me to seek him above what any person on earth tells me.

A third area is the way I relate to people. In a nutshell, I'm trying to relate to people on God's terms, with his heart, his love, seeking the best for them, and not being out to protect or defend myself or "my rights" in a relationship. (Although there is a point when one becomes too open/vulnerable and that extreme isn't healthy either.) I'm seeking to show unconditional friendship - being willing to relate to someone, love them, give them value regardless of what they do or how they treat me, being willing to talk to anyone, looking past stereotypes, not evaluating people based on what I can get from them, celebrating with others and not being jealous of good things that happen to others. Dating/marriage is an extension of this area, but I think I might have enough to say about that to fill a whole blogging kingdom.

Jesus chose love over coercive power in his posture toward humanity, and I'm trying to emulate him in that. I've been praying to be able to love people as God loves them, and while I'm nowhere near this, I've seen myself grow. God is answering my prayer!! I think I will become more capable of unconditional love as I experience more and more of God and his unconditional love for me. The result of knowing God is in control and has my back is that I'm just free to love people, period.

These are areas of my life where I used to/still do look around me to determine how to go about doing certain activities, places where I look to see what is normal and expected. But God is slowly leading me out of that. Furthermore, I don't actually want to be normal. I want to be set apart. I want to worship the Lord with my all, seek him above people like my parents or friends, and love the people in this world just like he does. None of those things is the current status quo. Why then do I keep looking to things around me for guidance in those areas? Why should human standards define things for me? Ultimately, I don't want external factors to decide who I am, where I'm going, and what that looks like. I have to bring those questions to God.



I've been extremely independent my whole life, but most of that came out of a rebellious heart. I think now I'm learning about healthy independence, the kind that comes (ironically enough) as I learn to be completely dependent on the Lord.

My Freedom. (In Theory.)

During my senior year of English in high school, I studied the concept of literary analysis, which is distinguishing the different pieces in a literary work and determining how they relate to each other. The other day when we were discussing chapter 11 of The Jesus I Never Knew, I was hit by how much Jesus’ disciples changed after they saw him post-resurrection, and how that event was really a pivot point around which the disciples' behavior turns. “The 11 men who had deserted him at death now went to martyrs’ graves avowing their faith in a resurrected Christ.” Obviously something big caused them to change their intentions and plans for their futures.

One visible result of this change was that they really no longer cared what the world thought of them; so much so that they chose to die instead of relinquish that in which they believed. Do you think it was at this point in their lives when they experienced true freedom? Not physical freedom, because, obviously, this chain of events led them to their deaths. But a freedom to walk boldly in what they believed?

What would happen if we could grasp this freedom? If we really “got it,” if we really understood that the most powerful being in the universe not only died for us, but rose from the dead, would that change how we live? In a sense, if we were given the disciples’ chance to react to the resurrection, what would happen?

I think I would stop worrying.

How am I going to pay for the rest of college? What am I going to do when the car I’m currently driving breaks down? Who am I going to live with next year? Am I going to get married? How should I go about that process? What if my friends get scared away by the ideas I have about faith? How is the boy checking my ID at the AC going to react if I make a comment about the book he’s reading? What if my communications professor is offended by the spiritual examples I write about on my exam? What if my advice to my friend isn’t really something she wants to hear so she gets upset? What if my father thinks I’ve gone off the deep end? What if those in spiritual leadership over me think I’m nuts? What if following God means giving up material comfort or living in a hut somewhere in Africa? What if he calls me to be single? What if following God means never having free time again?

I think I would stop worrying, because all this stuff DOESN’T MATTER.

I KNOW WHO I AM. I KNOW WHERE I’M GOING. I should have enough faith in my God to trust that he will take care of me in the interim. Ultimately, his plan for me will be much better than my plan for me.

If only I could step out and live as if I truly believed that. I would be so free. I would not be afraid of fear, of rejection. I wouldn’t be hindered by the ways others discourage me. I would be capable of walking through life without worrying about myself, or my situation.

There’s a Newsboys song with a line that I love: “It’s God’s safe harbor, why play it safe?” God has already bought us, and won the battle, and secured our futures. We have nothing to fear in this area. Why do we still “play it safe”? It’s his harbor we’re sailing around in. We have nothing important to lose. He’s got it under control. He is big enough, strong enough, wise enough, faithful enough, compassionate enough to take care of us. We don’t need to worry about ourselves. We have nothing to lose by pursuing his example with all of our being.

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“Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me.” (Psalm 16:5-7)

Suffering. Freedom. Desire.

At one point in core the other night, we answered the question, “If you were not a Christian, hadn’t grown up in church, hadn’t had spiritual influences or anything, would you believe God is a fair and good God just by looking at the world?” There were different answers, but one that was fairly common was no, I wouldn’t see God as being good. There is far too much suffering, and too many innocent people hurting, and natural disasters that wipe out thousands that were merely going about their days. If God was out there and real, he wouldn’t let these things happen.

I was one who voiced this opinion. The thing that makes me the absolute maddest is when I watch little three-year-olds and I see how poorly their parents treat them. Who are these little precious loving boys and girls that they deserve this? Parents were put on the earth to love, to nurture, to provide for their children’s wellbeing, and when I watch the opposite of that happening, it makes me want to explode. Of course little kids can be difficult, but they deserve nothing but love. How could I have a God who would let millions of children go through their young life abandoned, neglected, and unloved?

And then in our discussion, there were several of us who came around and stated something like, well now that I’ve read the scriptures, and learned about God, and been in a Christian community, I realize that God is good. That he is a fair and just God. And I said this too.

But why do our beliefs change like this? Obviously the state of the world hasn’t changed, necessarily, since our first opinion (i.e. children still suffer, innocent people still get diseases, etc). It’s still bad. There’s still suffering. So why do we switch? What happens in that interim? What do we read/realize/know/perceive/discover that leads us to think differently about God?

Where is the “cause” of the “effect” that we now believe God to be a fair, just, good God?

That was spinning through my head during core, and I couldn’t answer it. The only thing I could think of was that God doesn’t force himself. He has power, yes, and strength, and the ability to save. But they are never forced on anyone.

Philip Yancey speaks a little of this in The Jesus I Never Knew, in chapter 4. He says Satan’s power is external and coercive. God’s power is internal and noncoercive. In its commitment to transform gently from the inside out and in its relentless dependence on human choice, God’s power may resemble a kind of abdication. God made himself weak for one purpose: to let human beings choose freely for themselves what to do with him.

I think that makes sense. Our savior didn’t come as a rich, reigning, dictating emperor-king, he came as a peasant, a carpenter, a fisherman-figure. Our savior didn’t come to force us to believe in him, he came, and in some ways, he was not very imposing. I guess he wanted us to have to choose him 100%, with no worldly influences, with all our hearts.

I think some of it boils down to the issue of desire. God wants a response from us because we want to, we desire to answer his call.

Yancey brought up the issue of communism. Christianity and communism have many of the same ideals: equality, sharing, justice, and racial harmony. Yet the Marxist pursuit of that vision had produced the worst nightmares the world has ever seen, he said. Why? Because you can’t force morality. The part that made it not work is that the people didn’t want it. Christians, (for the most part) embrace and want this idea of community, so it has a better track record. Rape, for example, is not that much different, in action, from normal sex. The part that makes it so terrible is that it’s not wanted. And God is not a dictator or a rapist, so it’s not so much God “sitting on his hands” as much as it is God not forcing himself in our earthly realm.

In Yancey’s words, preserving the free will of a notoriously flawed species seemed worth the cost of letting the earth be inhabited by evildoers, of waiting to restore the earth to perfection, of watching as things like the Crusades and the Holocaust happen, of seeing hurricanes and tsunamis destroy nations, of allowing a gigantic apocalypse to loom ever in our futures. If we are to be free, this is how it’s going to be. Evil running rampant is part of the freedom package.

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I don’t really know. This was just something I thought of trying to answer my own question. Something like God can’t step in and make life perfect, because then we would be compelled to believe in him because of that. And he wants us to choose him no strings attached – to choose him independent of wealth and power and freedom from suffering.

That still doesn’t really satisfy my curiosity. Why again are so many children starving and neglected? Why do thousands of people who are out fishing to earn their day’s wages suddenly drown? How do we attempt to explain this and answer those who ask us this? What do I say?